I have actually been struggling to write this for a while. It has been in the back of my head, forming and coming together but I haven't quite been ready to express it. I wanted to talk about how things are much easier said than done when it comes to life decisions, relationships, finances and anything else remotely related to adulting. I wanted to get on here and say it's easier said than done but that doesn't give us the right to neglect it, we have to push through and mean what we say.... all while doing the opposite in my real life.
It's no secret that adjusting to life after college has been difficult for me. I'm living with my parents, I have no money, student loans are staring me in the face, I'm trying to navigate my career choices and on top of that I'm trying to enjoy my 20-somethings while they're here. It's been an emotional roller coaster but these things are inevitable. It's life. I can't control it and no one else can either.
While life can be somewhat uncontrollable, there are things we can do to help ourselves along the way. One way is to be in healthy relationships and friendships because when you're not, it makes everything else feel 10x worse. I think about times that I've gone through break-ups and they always happen in the midst of me going through something in the real world. Part of the reason the relationship falls apart is because it wasn't strong enough to withstand the trial what I was going through. Then it leaves moments for me to be disappointed in my partner for not being there for me, adding something else for me to worried about.
I often find myself being the fighter in my relationships. I fight for the relationship to stay intact, I fight to be a better partner, I fight to understand my partner and their needs which is everything I believe in. I wouldn't have it any other way. The problem comes in when I'm the only one fighting. Not only that, my partner doesn't care enough about me to see how much it hurts me to be fighting alone and then I lose myself. I lose sight of my original goal: to be in a healthy and happy relationship.
I start to go against everything that I preach about. I am always the first to say that I'm a feminist. I believe that women don't have to take anything from men. They don't owe men anything nor should we allow men to make us feel like we do. But here I am participating in a relationship that benefits only my partner. I did my part, I gave it go. I put my best foot forward. I may not have been perfect but I did everything with good intention. There is nothing I can do about the other person and what they decide to do. I can't accept excuses, and there cannot be third and fourth chances. I am 100% allowed to be selfish and even more so when the other person shows that's what they're going to do.
First and foremost, the most important relationship a person has is the one they have with themselves. That relationship deserves to be healthy and happy too. Staying true to yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. It not only makes you a person of your word but it's how you take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Practicing what you preach is not about "not being a liar", it's about setting boundaries within your life and not letting people cross the line.
I'll close with the infamous words spoke by the late and great Maya Angelou, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."