Anyone who uses Twitter, specifically Black Twitter, knows that a lot of pocket watching happens on the app. On one side, there are people telling you to travel and treat yourself with luxury items then on the other side, there are people telling you to be frugal. The debates are usually light hearted and produce funny memes but there is one topic that seems to keep coming up -- relationships and money.
I will admit, the topic is interesting to me. People discuss whether couples should split bills, share bank accounts, or if the man should be the only one working. While some of the tweets can be slightly exaggerated, it makes me think, why is money so important in relationships?
As these conversations continued to happen, coincidentally, I was listening to Jazmine Sullivan's most recent album Heaux Tales (by the way, it is an amazing album). On the album, Ms. Sullivan added several interludes related to the next song she was going to sing and there was one particular interlude that stuck out to me. Precious' Tale. If you have never heard it, the lyrics are below (you can also find the link to the song at the end of this post):
To be honest
Money makes me c*m
I feel like when I see a man thriving
Out here hustling in many different ways that turns me on more than anything
And I'm not dealing with anyone who does not have money
Because I know my worth
And my childhood plays a big role on this
Me not having stuff as a child
Me wanting more out of life, it plays a big role in this
Growing up that just gave me ambitious
Okay, I'ma get my own, and I'ma be able to stand on my own
But I'm not gonna deal with anyone unless they can contribute to what I'm doing
I'm not about to be seen around being here for no broke nigga
When I know it's niggas out hеre that'll cash out on me, sorry
Precious' perspective on this really resonated with me for a few reasons:
1) She has a boundary when it comes to money. She very clearly drew the line in the sand and said, I'm not dealing with anyone who doesn't have money.
2) Her partner having money, directly relates to her worth in the relationship. I cannot say this for sure, but I'm inclined to believe that it's not that she is not worthless without money but wants to know how can my partner support and provide for me if they can't hold down a job or pay the rent?
3) She still has her own money. Her statement about not dealing with anyone unless they can contribute to what she's doing is very important. She doesn't want a partner to mooch off of, she wants a partner so they can quite literally be partners.
It made me think, beyond having money for the essential bills and household duties, people feel like there should be an amount of money to sustain the relationship. Dates, gifts, vacations, etc. There should also be funds for us to pursue anything we desire, nothing holding us back.
Should a person's financial status come before everything else? Quite frankly, I think people have mostly abandoned physical attractiveness in exchange for financial stability, so it's not beyond me that people may begin to abandon other ideals like personality, communication, level of empathy, etc. And I honestly don't think it has to do with someone being a gold digger, I think it mostly has to do with people wanting better for themselves.
I mentioned in one of my other posts (We All Have the Same 24 Hours), that the Recession of 2008 really did a number on my relationship to money. The recession was 13 years ago, meaning anyone who was a child/teenager when it happened is an adult now. I would venture to say that it impacted a lot of us. Not to mention, that some people have had generational experiences with poverty. It's no surprise to me that people are tired of being broke. I know I am.
I'm not one to say that money is all that matters in relationships, but I know it makes it a tad bit easier to stop arguing if he buys me a Birkin Bag.
In all seriousness, there is a balance between finances and actual happiness in relationships. I won't pretend to know everything because I haven't been in a relationship that's lasted longer than a Beyoncé World Tour, but it's my guess that's the right way to go about it.
Link to Precious' Tale: https://open.spotify.com/track/0fJ1caLzidzTlIL3pPX1eU?si=Y2-GLKHhSYSGN-uW9Hc_ww