Dating is Traumatic AF

As we all progress through our 20-somethings, there are many things we have to endure. We have to begin our careers, find ourselves, deal with inflation, global warming, student loans, being broke, and our favorite... dating. It's something that seems so simple, right? We should just be able to meet someone, get to know them, and either stay with them forever or move on to someone else but unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Let's be honest, whether you believe in marriage or not, we all want to find someone to grow old with. We want companions, someone to trust, someone we can be ourselves with. It's human nature to want these things but there are some people who take advantage of that human desire. Selfishness leads some people to damage and traumatize others, leaving the traumatized to wonder what they did to deserve that treatment.

We may not know it while it's happening, but every failed attempt at a relationship forms us into a new person. I would like think they would be positive changes, but a lot of time, that is not the case. The truth to it all is: You never know who you are dating and what they are capable of. No matter how much research we do on a person, some people are really good at lying and can make you believe that they have the best intentions for you, when in actuality they couldn't care less about you or your needs.

@FirenzaMonet (in the above video) said it perfectly, "You find yourself having to take a break from dating to heal from the trauma that you experience while dating". Ghosting is so common that we almost view it as normal or something we just have to deal with. People are so uneducated on sexual harassment and assault, they think it's okay to take the actions or say the things they say. Society has convinced us that the most important thing about a person is their physical appearance, which leads people to believe they don't have to do self work. It's an awful cycle of disappointment and let downs.

There are many ways to connect with people in today's progressive society. There's apps, online dating, blind dates, social media, friends of a friend, and there are even TV shows. Essentially, most first dates are with a stranger and you never know what your experience is going to be. They could be charming and delightful on the first date and manipulative by the the third date. At some point you begin to feel like dating is not worth it so you insert said break from dating. You take time to heal, maybe even make some improvements then re-enter the dating world just to be broken down again.

And let's not forget how this affects our psyche. We begin to put up walls and be less vulnerable because we don't know what the outcome is going to be. This leaves us to maybe not be the most viable partner for someone we may really like which results in another failed attempt.

I wish I had the answers, I honestly wish it was just easy to date. I could say something cheesy like "Just keep trying, it'll happen soon!" but no one wants to hear that so I'll say this: Always put yourself first.